Hello, dear Grace, thank you so much for your lovely message! What a beautiful start to my day! 💜 I am definitely being gentle with that terrified part of myself. We had our first snow in October and in the past, I'd have been out there proving to myself that I could do it but I wasn't ready. Since then, I've waited until warmer days that melted the snow on sidewalks before taking out the rubbish and recycling. But I've been thinking a lot about this and doing what I could to prepare myself.

I've been doing my best to balance that part of myself with how much I detest feeling restricted and losing my independence, and being cooped up inside for nearly 14 months. It would be much better for my mental health and my overall healing if I could get out now and then, even if it's only for 15-20 minutes for a short walk.

I do have removable grippy things for my boots for those occasions but I haven't tried them yet, as they can't be used indoors (e.g. when I went to the office with the cookies the other day). They become lethal, as they slide like crazy on floors. So they'll only be good if I'm staying outside.

Using a Zimmer frame would actually be more dangerous, as they can slide on the ice and make falling more likely. Plus I couldn't get out of the building with one anyone. It's 35 steps in total, and I have enough trouble managing them by relying heavily on the railing and my cane. I couldn't physically get a Z frame down there.

I don't anticipate going out for anything that isn't essential until I have more confidence about it. So in that, yes, I'm being gentle with myself and not forcing myself.

At the same time, if I hadn't done the cookie trip, I'd be allowing myself to stay a prisoner in my home because of fear. I'm finding balance between moving past that while respecting what I've been through in the past year and that my body still hasn't fully recovered from that.

One good thing is that in Calgary, sometimes we have chinook winds through the winter. They are warm, strong winds that dry up the ice and snow in a hurry and can take temps from -40 to +20C/+70F in a matter of hours. They can hang around for days or weeks and we don't have any snow or ice. So I'm hoping for a lot of chinooks this winter to ease me back into life in Calgary after being spoiled by England's gentle climate. Hardly ever saw more than a dusting of snow in the Midlands and it was gone in no time. Sigh ...

Thank you for caring so much, Grace. It means the world to me!! 💜💜💜