Hi, Denée! Thank you for your message. I know about the Enneagram, had a friend whose work was based on it. I never did fit in any one of her particular boxes and it drove her nuts, but that's the same for me with all the other systems. Their "yes/no" answers or the way they phrase questions that are restrictive and that don't allow an "it depends" answers just never work for me.

So I don't seem to get on very well using any sort of systems that label people with certain "types".

I prefer to keep it simple and focus on basics to do with healthy communication, boundaries, etc.

Because of my own considerable healing journey over 40 years, plus my professional education and experience in social work and other healing modalities, I recognise certain patterns in a more general way. EG abuse, control, not respecting boundaries etc.

SL isn't terribly aggressive or a leader as you describe. She is a deeply wounded soul and needs approval. Subconsciously, she's the one who needs rescuing (not that this is a healthy state, because it sure isn't!). She is desperate to be loved and to prove her worth, and her self-esteem is extremely low (not that she would say that, but I saw plenty of evidence of it).

She's also massively lacking in self-confidence, but tries to cover it. However, with my personal and professional experience, I could spot it a mile away.

So if she can rescue someone else, she feels better about herself. It's what she wishes someone would do for her, but this is not in her consciousness. She is desperate and seeking validation.

She was so proud to rattle off a list of awful traumas in her life and finish with, "And I haven't had any therapy at all!" while she was then telling me how well she's doing - when clearly, she is not.

The excessive drinking was just one of many red flags! I was stunned by how quickly she gulped more than a bottle of wine - and it didn't even show on her. A clear sign of someone who regularly consumes large quantities of alcohol and has built up an incredible tolerance to it.

That's how she's choosing to deal with her pain.

Definitely won't bring her the happiness she seeks or the healing she needs. But it's her journey, she's got to figure it out for herself - or not!

Thanks so much for reading this and sharing your thoughts!