Hi, Jet! I agree with him. Thought about diving into that conversation with your submission but decided to leave it as it was.

I’ve been trying to strike a balance as an editor in how far to go with my critiques. There are a lot of reasons for that.

One thing I can suggest is to do a lot more showing and a lot less telling. Arpad mentioned letting the reader piece things together. Absolutely yes. That makes for the best stories. A lot of telling reduces the emotion and action. And it just says too much flat out. Dropping hints and drip-feeding through showing creates a much more tantalizing and engaging read.

And I agree that you set up a premise for much more story than we got to read. I figured perhaps that was your intention, to leave us wondering or filling in the blanks about what might happen next.

I enjoyed the story for what it was. And I agree it could have become something more.

Does this help?