I understand that more than I can possibly express. I don't know if this will help, but at the end of the day, the people who truly love and care about you will never treat you in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself. We don't ever need to worry about the opinions of people who do that.

I hope you can let go of feeling defective. You've been through a lot. Now it's time for a change. Cut yourself some slack - the same way you would treat anyone who said the same things to you as you've shared in this post - and trust that your restless feelings are your soul's stirrings as it's trying to nudge you toward whatever is next.

It's all good. Just the next step in your evolution, and sometimes that doesn't feel good until the path becomes clearer.