I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. I did not love or value myself for many years. It is an awful place to be.

Might I suggest that it is actually the other way around? "All of these things" are because you don't/didn't love yourself... If you love, value and respect yourself, you feel more confident and secure in who you are. Therefore, there is no need for social anxiety or difficult speaking with people.

And without self-love, it is difficult/impossible to get truly, deeply close to anyone. When we feel like we're not good enough or not worthy of love, we keep ourselves separate emotionally - and sometimes physically, too.

It is like you said about trust - first you have to trust yourself in order to trust others. When you love yourself first, you will also begin to love others.

Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story and for being so open. Thankfully, you are eager to feel better, to be happier, and to get out of these limiting patterns that are keeping you from a joyful life with others. With that desire behind you, you will get there. It all begins with learning to love and accept yourself 100%.