Maria, thank you so much for your reply.
One of my biggest issues with Medium is the private notes. Notifications are not always sent. I only use my gmail account for Mediium and because of having three pubs, I'm diligent about checking for notifications of private notes. I don't always get them, and my writers don't either.
I've wasted so much time checking, checking, checking to see if they're replied - sometimes they have, but no notification came through. Sometimes I have to track them down via commenting on one of their stories. And they assure me they didn't get a notification. It's happened to me so many times, I can believe them.
The point being ... I didn't receive your note and I'm so sorry that you might have thought I'd seen it and didn't reply!
I feel quite connected to you, Maria, more than just as another Medium friend. I'm just so sorry for all you're going through right now and wish I could do something to help.
I can appreciate you feeling overwhelmed beyond all description, trying to deal with all the tech stuff and the garden and a million other things.
And you're selling your home? That's a huge step, and a lot to digest on top of everything else.
How difficult, too, to have to keep telling people over and over again. And yesterday - his birthday - I'm sure that made it an even more painful day for you.
As for your question about toasting him - too late by now, but I hope you did. One thing I know from my homeopathy training (and other training, too) - better out than in. Allowing yourself to express your grief is going to be more helpful than holding it in. Although I can well imagine it feels like if you start, you won't stop.
I'm glad you're feeling like you're on the road to healing. It's going to be quite an adjustment, it'll take time, especially as you had no warning, no chance to prepare.
But one foot in front of the other, a tiny step at a time, eventually time will begin to soften those terribly sharp and jagged edges of your grief.
And look at you, still writing posts on Medium. Perhaps something that's helping. I sure hope so.
If you want to reach out off Medium, where it's private - without those stupid notes here - please feel free to email me through my website:
https://www.libertyforrest.com/contact
I'll be thinking of you, Maria - sending lots of love and prayers. If only that translated into something truly useful to help you ... that would be amazing. But it's all I've got from here. 💜💜💜
