Oh, dear ... well, I'm outside the box so have a different view than you. I'm remembering times I was getting divorced and friends would say, "I never liked him anyway" or "I wondered what the hell you were doing" but all of them smiled and nodded and told me how great they thought these men were in the beginning.

So I said, "Why didn't you say something?" And they said, "Well, you seemed so happy." or whatever other excuse they gave me.

But here's the thing, Klara, I was having so many second thoughts (with all but one) but everyone was telling me how great it all was so I figured my own feelings were wrong. If I'd had a good friend or two say "What the hell are you doing?" I would likely have felt like I could listen to that little voice that was telling me to get out quick while I could.

To me, a friend tells the truth. They don't just say what you want to hear.

So with that in mind - because I truly care about you, I'll offer a few thoughts (not that you asked, because you didn't! So if you don't want to know, please do not read on!).

1) If you feel like he isn't listening, he probably isn't. If you talk and talk and he doesn't acknowledge what you said, and changes the subject, he is likely more interested in himself than in you.

2) If his pants are falling off and his butt crack shows (yuck!) - lack of self respect shows in how he isn't taking care of himself or the way he looks.

3) A hoarder - MAJOR EMOTIONAL ISSUES. He hangs on to everything. He cannot let go of anything. This is a massive, extremely huge emotional issue and one that requires a LOT of therapy. The reasons for his hoarding are deep and will adversely affect your relationship. One hundred percent, guaranteed. What you see in a person's environment is a direct reflection of that person's inner world. This is a major, huge, gigantic RED FLAG.

4) He doesn't wash his hands before meals -- especially after being outside etc. - lack of hygiene is another sign of a significant lack of respect for himself.

5) If you're staying with him because he's "working on" these things and you hope for / expect change, RUN.

I'd actually advise that anyway, given what you've said - the hoarding thing being a major issue all by itself, but he other things show lack of respect for himself - and therefore, he CANNOT be respectful of you. it's easy to fake it or to appear to be respectful when it's easy, but when push comes to shove, you are going to feel very disrespected by him because he can't fake it forever.

You are hyper alert around him because your higher self is telling you this is NOT a healthy situation.

This situation sounds incredibly unhealthy. And if he isn't someone you're proud to be with, and would be happy to introduce to your close friends and family, and feel like he's someone you can admire and respect, he's not right for you.

But then - you are a big girl and can make your own decisions.