Oh my goodness!! Alan!!!!! I want to smack your sister upside the head!
She snubbed you at your mother's funeral??
And she said NOTHING when your wife was ill?!??!??!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!
I could say a LOT here ... perhaps best left for me to write a piece about this subject. I can sum up with this: Just because you're related to someone, it doesn't mean you have to have a relationship with them.
There's a difference between family issues that can be worked out - or sometimes can't - and a massive issue with personality clashes. Would you be feeling sad about the state of things with this woman if you weren't related to her biologically? I'm sure I can safely say NO.
Relationships take effort on both sides. She's not even being a respectful human toward you, let alone showing anything that looks like she deserves your time or attention. I'm astonished that even if she didn't want a relationship with you, she couldn't have at least sent an occasional card or kind wish when your wife was ill, or after you lost her. That's just common decency.
I'd have been wanting to put a photo of The Wizard of Oz's "Wicked Witch of the West" at the top of this piece! (Oops, I hope that doesn't offend you; I'm just so horrified by how she's treated you and your family!)
You're better off accepting that she is not part of your family, because this is not how families treat each other. What's sad is "what could have been," but that's like a ghost hovering over your family.
In reality, you didn't lose her. She was never interested in the first place, even when you were a kid. She's never been your sister in any meaningful way. She's just another human on the planet, according to the way she's treated you throughout your life.
Thank you so much for sharing this story, Alan. You are SO not alone in how you feel. Lots of families have estranged relationships (mine has been loaded with them for decades).
Thank you for your kind shout-out and share of my pub, and for choosing it as "home" for this piece. Maybe we can offer some Hope for you to have Healing about this, as that's what we're all about here at HHH.
