Oh, my...so much pain...all built on toxic beliefs - not facts. Not the truth of your beautiful spirit, the true essence of YOU. You're not the beliefs, you're not the awful things you think you are. You're not deserving of the awful way you've been treated.

I hope you've found healing for this. I hope you've discovered that those beliefs are WRONG. I've been there, too, loaded with self-loathing, believing I didn't deserve to breathe, trying to fake my way through life and thinking everyone hated me as much as I hated myself. After my healing journey, I can hardly believe I ever thought or felt any of that. But it's where I lived for a long time, thanks to my toxic childhood.

You CAN heal from this. You can learn to love and appreciate yourself. You can learn to value who you are, warts and are - and in that, you will find someone else who loves and values you in the same way.

We always find people who validate what we believe about ourselves. Your husband chose to see the flaws you saw, and did not bother to look for the diamond that's hiding beneath the surface.

Thank you for sharing your compelling, heart-wrenching story.