Seda, I'm so sorry you experienced so much pain. Yes, I had that same sort of thing happen. It didn't happen often - only a few times but others would say something nice that my mother had said about me (not spectacularly nice, but something bordering on acknowledging something good about me).

And at her retirement party from the Royal Bank, where she had achieved great things (especially for a woman) and was highly respected, people were coming up to me and telling me how great she was and how she'd helped them through so many troubles and she was such a wonderful listener, and how lucky I was that she was my mum.

Meanwhile, she was insulting, critical, belittling of me, shaming me, never had a kind word - and at a really dark time when I was a young, newly divorced single parent with no friends or support, I finally had the courage to tell her I felt suicidal. She said, "Oh don't be so stupid" and walked away.

yep. Great listener! LOL!

But I have forgiven all of that. No point hanging onto it. I made my peace with her before she died - although after she died, I found out a really nasty horrible thing she'd done to me and that too required a whole lot more healing.

None of it matters to me anymore. It stopped hurting a long time ago - finally. I know you'll get there, too. It just takes time ❤️