Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal part of yourself and your story. I can relate to a lot of this...death is hard enough but with unresolved conflict left hanging, it's absolute torment.

I first became aware of my abilities as a psychic and medium in childhood (in fact, to do with knowing about the deaths of my two best friends in childhood before it was in the paper). Anyway - just wanted to say that I've been communicating with spirits my whole life and I can assure you that your father and grandfather and all others who have left this earthly life are still with you. They can still hear you, so they're aware of you wish you could have said.

Speak to them. They will hear you if there's anything left for you to share with them. And one other thing - I can also assure you that those who are in spirit ALWAYS express their regret and remorse about their behaviour in this life. I'm sure your father is no different from the countless others I've heard in spirit passing along their regrets and apologies to the living.

I hope this gives you some measure of comfort.