Thank you, my friend. I appreciate all you said and I can relate to it, probably more than you might imagine.

I cannot cope with superficial small talk. It's one of the reasons I'm quite happy to be by myself most of the time, and when I do have phone or zoom chats (or a rare in-person visit), it's always with people who go deeper than that.

I'm sure you are a very old soul, Kyle, and I know I am, too. We look for deeper meaning and even if we don't find the answers, it is the questioning and exploring and wondering that are more important.

It's in "knowing" that there's more, even if we don't understand it. This world - ego - all the "stuff" that causes people endless worry but in the grand scheme of things doesn't really matter - those things do feel trite and silly. The older I've got, the easier it's become to let go of those things, and to just not give a rat's ass about things that don't matter.

As Erma Bombeck said decades ago (although she was talking about being a wife and mother, taking care of home and family), "You get really good at saying, what will it matter in a hundred years?"

I often feel like I'm observing this world and not really a part of it. I've never felt like I fit in or belong anywhere - well, I came close, I guess. The first time I went to England, I was shocked when minutes after arriving, I wept and said, oh, my God, I'm home. I was so grateful to move there - and felt much more at home there than anywhere else I'd ever been. But still didn't "belong."

I'm probably far too happy to be by myself and do as I please, think my own thoughts etc. I suspect you might feel the same way. And as for your wife's comment about you seeming "very surface," I would speculate that perhaps it's quite the opposite. That what's going on in your inner world is actually very NOT surface, but the surface is the easiest or safest or least complicated (or whatever) place to be in your outer world and keep your deeper thoughts to yourself.

And I could be wrong about all of that.

No apologies needed, and you're not doing anything "to me" - other than having a conversation - and I thank you for it.