Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It's well past time to let go of taking the blame for your kids' choices. They have to walk their own paths. They chose a strong mother to come through to this world. And they can be your teachers, too, to help you find your own strength and value, to determine your own boundaries, and to help them take responsibility for their own messes.

I am not responsible for the terrible things my grown children have done to themselves or others. I did my best as a mother with the tools I had at the time and in difficult circumstances. I took them for counselling - myself, too - did thousands of hours of family therapy over a 20-year period with various combinations of kids and/or husbands.

I found my own strength, my own voice as a result of it. I did my best to teach them right from wrong, to be kind and loving humans, to take responsibility for their actions.

I could not possibly have done more.

But they have their own lessons to learn and if they choose not to learn them until their own lives are so awful they can't stand it, that's on them - not me.

I refuse to be their scapegoat anymore. I got off that merry-go-round many years ago. They kept trying to pull me back on, every time I tried to re-establish a meaningful relationship. But when they discovered I wasn't playing, and that they could no longer abuse me , manipulate me, or walk all over me, they got nasty.

And finally, after enough times going through that cycle, I'd had enough. Would rather live without them in my life. It sucks that we can't be the bloody Brady Bunch but I accept the way it is and I've moved on.

Yes, we are good people, my friend. And we deserve better. Self-punishment is not only wrong, it's toxic and self-destructive. I hope you can find peace and healing. 💝