Thanks so much for sharing this incredibly difficult part of your journey. We can never be sure what we’d do in another’s place. But I can share a few thoughts that I hope will help.

I am an adoptee, too, and after a year or so of great relationship with my birth mother after I found her, her true nature was revealed. No one in the family liked her. Her sister tolerated her until her behaviour reached an intolerable point.

I cut off communication with her long before my aunt did. And I sure couldn’t say I loved her.

So I have a sense of how you might have felt.

I don’t think you had any obligation to give her a kidney. You didn’t ask to be born. You owed her nothing. What if you had only one kidney left and it failed?? And what if you died as a result of that surgery? Your grandson needed you way too much for you to risk your life.

It’s sad that your birth mother was so ill but fixing it was not your responsibility.

Sounds like she was so far gone she might have died soon anyway and wasted your kidney.

Sending you biggest hugs! 💖💖💖