Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and to share your thoughts, and even to ask some questions.

My husband and I weren't looking for custody. We wanted to adopt Jacob - which we did. He is our legal son and feels like our son in every way.

Early in my daughter's pregnancy when she was exploring options, I expressed that I would love to adopt her baby, but she thought it would be too hard to deal with emotionally - being so close to the situation, being his birth mother - and his sister, possibly presenting awkwardness and confusion.

But when the adoption plan fell through, she realised that she actually did want to do this and did not seek other parents. She took some time to consider all options again and ended up agreeing to this plan. It hasn't ever been an issue. She only interfered when he was a teen because she wanted to hurt me, not because she had any particular interest in him. She rarely saw him or had anything to do with him while he was growing up.

Nothing "weird" would have happened with his dad. It was just that his father was easier to push around. I had better boundaries so when Jacob was starting to act out, it was easier to rebel at his dad's, who had no clue how to deal with Jacob's temper etc., whereas I'd had years of practice with his birth mother. The behaviour didn't actually get worse until we had been divorced for about 4-5 years anyway. We split when Jacob was 2-1/2. It wasn't till he was about 6, 7, 8, things were escalating.

I'm sure you've seen some horror stories as a teacher. A tough enough job - and I admire you greatly being able to do it - without THAT stuff thrown into the mix.

Thank you so much for your kind message and wishes. I appreciate you! 💝