Secret Confessions: The Painful Reasons for My Multiple Divorces
Blowing the lid off a taboo topic: The Multi-Divorced Woman’s Manifesto
Like a lot of little girls from my era, all I really wanted was to be happily married someday. I think it was even more important to me because I grew up in an extremely toxic, frightening environment and for as long as I can remember, I just wanted a happy home.
But…it would be a gross understatement to say that my Herculean attempts at creating such an animal didn’t quite go as planned.
Because of what I learned in childhood, I was left with a set of beliefs that didn’t exactly do me any favours throughout a good portion of my life.
I certainly got the “married” part down; with six weddings behind me, you’d almost think I’d made it my life’s mission to be a serial bride.
But sadly, with those toxic beliefs from childhood haunting me and at the root of my thoughts and choices, there wasn’t a chance in hell I’d ever be able to nail down the “happily” part.
Before I go any further, if you’re going to be able to grasp just how a set of beliefs can lead someone down the aisle — and to divorce lawyers — way too many times, it’s important for me to share a bit about what those beliefs were and how they impacted me — and ultimately, my life.
Also, it’s important for me to say that although my mother was quite abusive and a toxic influence in my life, it was because she, too, had plenty of her own emotional wounds. It took me a few decades to understand this and to have compassion for her but I got there.
I know she did the best she could with the tools she had at the time, and having come from a generation that just didn’t know better.
And I’m also not telling you this so I can whine and say “poor me.” (Gag!) It’s just that it’s essential for me to share a bit about that significant relationship in order for you to understand how I ended up where I did.
First, I need to back up even more to explain how my own emotional wounds played into hers.