There's so much in here, Tamara. I found myself nodding throughout. Although when you got to the record-scratch moment, I already had the same general thoughts you ended up with about that whole thing.

Gratitude has been massively important to me for decades. And I've had plenty of occasions to experience its darker side. Like everything else, it has both light and dark. So it wasn't a stretch for me to presume the speech comment was about the dark side.

I had a lot of "you should be grateful!" crammed down my throat by my mother, who always made sure I knew what a huge burden, bother and nuisance I was. It was a sort of "you should be grateful I let you breathe" feeling. It was more about making me feel ashamed and worthless than anything.

There's also the kind of gratitude that I've felt when I've been in the midst of severe difficulties and although I was really, deeply, truly grateful and appreciative for certain kinds of help, it was always wrapped in a sort of desperation and neediness that left me feeling powerless - because in those experiences, I was, to some extent. It wasn't even necessarily that the other people treated me that way (some did). I felt that way anyway - likely due to my mother's training.

For me, although I do feel and express gratitude daily - the good kind - over time, I've begun to change that word to appreciation, depending on the circumstance. Sometimes, being grateful leaves me feeling on the lower side of that lopsided power place. When I switch it to appreciation, it feels more balanced.

Gosh, I could have such a long conversation about this with you! I'll leave it there, and just say thank you for writing this and sharing your thoughts and experiences. It's important to point out both sides of gratitude, because not everyone sees them.

And you've really loaded this piece with great information and examples. I especially loved your 'both/and' points.

As always, I appreciate you, my friend. 🙏🏻💜