Yay! That's a big step in the right direction! Repeat that phrase as often as you think of it, and certainly after any of the negative, closed statements. Cancel and delete those ones and insert this new, empowering, forward-thinking one.

It's not stupid that you feel like this; it's completely normal after what you've experienced. I also know that it is possible to let it go and to heal enough to begin a new and better life.

On the subject of forgiving and forgetting - you've already read this article, you highlighted several sections. Might want to keep it handy, my friend. I will be writing more on this topic in various ways but this one sums it up fairly well. Your mother and your ex have already taken more than enough of your joy. You can learn how to take it back now, and I can help.

https://libertyforrestauthor.medium.com/when-forgiving-seems-impossible-738b1d30ea37